2019 and Me and BPD

*Trigger warning – some reference to self harm*

Hello! And Happy New Year! Sorry for my absence over the last couple of months, but it was definitely necessary to give myself some space and time to consolidate the progress I’ve made recently. I have a habit, when I’m feeling good and doing well, to get a bit carried away and try to do too much. So *maybe* attempting to blog every day during the anniversary of my hospital stay was a step (or nineteen) too far. Basically I overloaded myself and blew a bit of a fuse at the start of November, so I took a step back, concentrated on what had worked before, and gave myself a break. I have a lot more posts from that series that I’ve already written, and I will definitely continue to post them at some point, but not right now. I really appreciated all the positive feedback from everyone, and all the kind words, so thank you! And thank you if you’re reading this now.

Anyway, with all the new year chat going on at the moment, I thought I’d do a summary of what I feel were my biggest achievements of 2019, and how they relate to my BPD.

Happy New Year, everyone!

Before I continue, I need to say that 2019 not was just about these achievements. There were devastating lows, visits to A&E, incidents of self harm and crippling depression. It was not an easy year. But I want to focus on what went well, and this is my blog, so that’s what I’m going to do.

My top ten achievements/good moments of 2019 (in no particular order):

  1. Recognising that the job I was in was not good for my mental health, no matter how much I loved it (and I really did), and making the hard decision to resign.
  2. Holidays with Tom to Scarborough (February), Cyprus (June) and Berlin (October). And feeling better and more like myself on each one.
  3. Being a rainbow bridesmaid for one of my best friend’s at her vow renewal in May. My mental health was very rocky at that point, but I am proud of myself for showing up for her.
  4. Celebrating the marriages of two amazing couples, and laughing, dancing and partying at each one.
  5. Finding a psychologist and a form of therapy that finally fitted well with me, and helped me to take back control of my mental health. It’s one step in what I know will be a life-long journey (there’s no destination point with it, it will always be a process I am in), but I’m so happy to have taken it.
  6. I decided that I wanted to embark on a completely new training and career path, and secured a place on a Diploma in Makeup Artistry that I start this week, and will be working on for most of 2020. I’ve also completed a qualification in Defined Brows, and will be completing one soon in lashes. I’m a huge advocate of these small things as big parts of self care, and I am excited that I may be able to bring these things to others who could benefit from a bit of pampering.
  7. I completed my Good Reads challenge of reading 50 books in 2019, by reading 55. It made me track what I was reading, and gave me a manageable target for something that I really enjoy.
  8. I worked on my occupational therapy activities – I ran 286km in 2019, started going swimming again, and I knitted myself a sweater and crocheted a baby blanket for a friend.
  9. Spending lots of time with both our families, and celebrating the birth of our gorgeous little nephew, Jack (AKA Jack-Jack Attack), in February.
  10. Getting to see and catch up with a lot of friends, often with their children, and make lovely new memories. 

I’m not a massive fan of new year’s resolutions, but I do like to set intentions, and have a vague idea of the direction I want to go in. I’m not going to share my 2020 vision (oh come on, that was nearly the title of this post, you got off lightly) here now, but I have some ideas, and I am very excited about what this year will bring.

But. If the last two years have taught me anything it’s that life really IS what happens when you’re busy making other plans. So my advice to myself, and maybe to you reading this, is taken from on of my favourite films, ‘Dan in Real Life’: Plan, to be surprised.

Sarah x

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